still hate cancer; it really sucks
2025-06-16 09:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
myveryown_nemesisGood Morning, you Beautiful People!
I'm no longer feeling absolutely gutted by my friend's cancer diagnosis. It still saddens me, but I now have a better understanding of her diagnosis. Once I connected back with her account on Facebook, it appears that her situation is very much like my oldest sister's situation. The phrase "terminal brain cancer" pretty much broke me, but when I learned that it started as lung cancer, my perceptions began to shift. My oldest sister is living with lung cancer and has had brain mets. My second-oldest sister is also living with lung cancer. While these cancers will ultimately be the cause of death, they are no longer the fast-acting killers they once were. There are new medicines that keep it at bay, and a more precise use of radiation therapy (proton therapy) to zap new nodules that pop up.
I still hate cancer, though. It really sucks. And I know that ultimately, this disease is taking years of life from my loved ones, so it makes me angry. I need to process that...I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow, so I think I know what we will be discussing.
I spent most of the past three days sleeping, doing Sudoku puzzles, and creating a "perfect wardrobe" in the wish list portion of one of my favorite online shops for clothing. I will be picking some pieces for purchase since my summer wardrobe is missing a few pieces, and a couple of the items are on a deep cut in price because they are on clearance. I'll probably select a few of those clearance items for purchase later today. This is how mindful spending works, as opposed to reckless spending. It's a work in progress, but I'm ready to start the work.
I set up a coffee meet-up with some AA friends for later this week. John has a lot of medical appointments, so I think that getting that sober social connection will be good for me. On today's plate, I need to get caught up on household chores. The air mattress has been lying, deflated, on the floor of the den. Best put that away before I feel like it's a metaphor for my current lifestyle!
I feel secure in my sobriety and mindful eating. I'm working on the reckless spending, so it feels like work. But not like scary work. I'm not afraid of facing past mistakes and dealing with their consequences, but I wouldn't call it comfortable. Let's say it's like new leather shoes -- these new habits need time to get worn in.
I hope you find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here.
I'm no longer feeling absolutely gutted by my friend's cancer diagnosis. It still saddens me, but I now have a better understanding of her diagnosis. Once I connected back with her account on Facebook, it appears that her situation is very much like my oldest sister's situation. The phrase "terminal brain cancer" pretty much broke me, but when I learned that it started as lung cancer, my perceptions began to shift. My oldest sister is living with lung cancer and has had brain mets. My second-oldest sister is also living with lung cancer. While these cancers will ultimately be the cause of death, they are no longer the fast-acting killers they once were. There are new medicines that keep it at bay, and a more precise use of radiation therapy (proton therapy) to zap new nodules that pop up.
I still hate cancer, though. It really sucks. And I know that ultimately, this disease is taking years of life from my loved ones, so it makes me angry. I need to process that...I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow, so I think I know what we will be discussing.
I spent most of the past three days sleeping, doing Sudoku puzzles, and creating a "perfect wardrobe" in the wish list portion of one of my favorite online shops for clothing. I will be picking some pieces for purchase since my summer wardrobe is missing a few pieces, and a couple of the items are on a deep cut in price because they are on clearance. I'll probably select a few of those clearance items for purchase later today. This is how mindful spending works, as opposed to reckless spending. It's a work in progress, but I'm ready to start the work.
I set up a coffee meet-up with some AA friends for later this week. John has a lot of medical appointments, so I think that getting that sober social connection will be good for me. On today's plate, I need to get caught up on household chores. The air mattress has been lying, deflated, on the floor of the den. Best put that away before I feel like it's a metaphor for my current lifestyle!
I feel secure in my sobriety and mindful eating. I'm working on the reckless spending, so it feels like work. But not like scary work. I'm not afraid of facing past mistakes and dealing with their consequences, but I wouldn't call it comfortable. Let's say it's like new leather shoes -- these new habits need time to get worn in.
I hope you find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here.