past-Me doesn't fit inside my hula hoop

 Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

I did most of today's household assignments last night, so other than taking my husband to his lab appointment this morning, I'm mostly going to be lazy. Maybe putter around the house a bit.  

The AA meeting this morning was a reading from "Living Sober," #18 'Easy Does It.' What struck me with this reading was how ADHD and AUD so often go hand in hand. Even if you don't have an ADHD brain, when you are using alcohol, your brain starts thinking a lot like an ADHD brain. And if you have an ADHD brain, you struggle with some of the same issues as you would if you had an AUD brain.  I can feel how my alcohol abuse has permanently affected my patterns of thinking. I don't know if that patterning will ever completely change, but through working with AA and SMART Recovery, I'm learning how to recognize those patterns and use that recognition to change my behaviors. It was a good meeting. I think in my spare time today, I'll work with my Handbook a bit, because I keep letting that slide.

I feel strong in my sobriety, comfortable with my eating, and accepting of the changes in spending habits. It's a good way to feel. I still am getting some spikes of anxiety regarding my past spending, but I remind myself that past-Me doesn't fit inside the hula hoop I am spinning now. I need to carry forward with the information and plans I have now, and let go of past-Me, forgive her, because she was overwhelmed when she made most of those particularly bad decisions. The situation is workable; I will take care of the messes made; it will be work, but all will be good.

I hope you find a pocket of hidden beauty in your day (those are the really fun ones!), and as always, thank you for being here.

darkling

 darkling

behind closed eyes,

memory unfurls a heavy cloak,

obscuring the glow

of the hope that waits.

2025.07.02/2024.12.14

The original can be found here