i like taking tuesdays off

Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

I'm glad that I took yesterday off from my regularly scheduled activities. I seem to like taking Tuesdays off, probably because there is always so much to do on Mondays. So I changed my weekly rotation of priorities to include Tuesday as my preferred "off day." As I wait for it to warm up a bit before working on the yard, I'm accomplishing things to make tomorrow run more smoothly. I even paid the bills this morning, Now, I can get to all the "little things" that have been waiting to be done tomorrow, instead of declaring mental exhaustion after dealing with the bills. Go me!

I had a really good AA meeting today. I love the "Living Sober" meetings. Today's topic was "Live and Let Live." I like to tell myself that I'm quite good at that, but truth be told, I am not. I don't go around manipulating people to act like I want them to act, and I certainly don't expect other people to think like me (some of my thinking, to be quite frank, is rather odd...but we can save that for another check-in). However, I worry. I worry about the welfare of other people; I worry that people don't understand me: I worry that people don't accept me, and then I go back to worrying about the welfare of other people. When I was young, my mother used to tell me that I had "an over-developed sense of justice." She wasn't saying that I acted like a bratty child; she was talking about how I would come home from school crying because a friend of mine was being bullied. I was, and still am, a sensitive creature.

I need to do some work on that need for acceptance. That also goes way back to childhood; I've always felt like everybody was part of this awesome club, and they had a rulebook to prove it. While they opened the doors and let me into the clubhouse, I knew I didn't have a rulebook and always felt that I was waiting to be kicked out because I wasn't a "true member." I've spent a lot of my life not knowing where or how to belong. I think that's why I gravitated back to the rooms -- I do feel like I belong there.

I also feel like I belong here -- thank you for that sense of belonging; you folks are a big part of the beauty in my life.

I think maybe I should print this out and read it to my Psych-PA next week. I never really know what to talk about once I'm in session with her.

Anyway...I feel confident in my sobriety, optimistic about my way of eating, and relatively stable about my spending habits. I hope you find something beautiful in your life today, and as always, thank you for being here.

love, unwilling to yield

love, unwilling to yield

when the waves won't lift you,
you dive into their strength
or they crash into you,
tumble you
and drag you to the shore.

grief will not break you;
but the profound friction burns.

2025.04.04/05

 

Okay, it's yesterday's poem. But a little less Hallmark.